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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23064016">In My Veins</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofsummersnow/pseuds/tasteofsummersnow'>tasteofsummersnow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, KageSuga can be read as romantic or platonic, M/M, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Platonic Soulmates IwaOi, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates are NOT inherently romantic, Today on "How could we make Seijoh's loss even more painful for Oikawa?", Unrequited Soulmates, this doesn't have a happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:42:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23064016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasteofsummersnow/pseuds/tasteofsummersnow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’s Tooru’s soulmate. The silver-haired setter from Karasuno. Mr. Refreshing.</p><p>And Tooru will never talk to him again."</p><p>--</p><p>Or: the one where Oikawa loses his soulmate just as he has found him</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kageyama Tobio/Sugawara Koushi, unrequited Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In My Veins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>When I said "my next work isn't going to feature Shirabu" I didn't actually mean this one, but hey, we'll take it anyways, right?</p><p>Until I was about 70% done with this fic, it was actually IwaSuga. And then I woke up one morning to a note I had scrawled down in the middle of the night before, reading "OiSuga instead of IwaSuga, waaaay more painful!!!! ✨" (yep, complete with glitter), so here we are!</p><p>The prompt was "Out Of Time", and I'm actually pretty happy with what I did with that one for once!</p><p>And the title is from Andrew Belle's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0KZuZF01FA">In My Veins</a>, which I may or may not have listened to on repeat after I finished this.</p><p>Enjoy the angst, I guess? 💙</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Had you asked Tooru one week ago if this random Saturday in October was going to be one of the most important days of his life, he would have said no. </p><p>But the day after that, a random Sunday in October, should have been. Because it should have been the day he and his team finally beat Shiratorizawa and UshiWaka and went to Nationals.</p><p>Good thing nobody asked because that would have been embarrassing. </p><p>He wasn’t even strong enough to beat Karasuno. Ragtag Karasuno, with no truly extraordinary player except for Tobio-chan. Stupid, genius Tobio-chan who only managed to win thanks to Tooru’s advice. </p><p>Not that it matters. Tooru still lost. Damnit. He can feel the tears sting in his eyes. How embarrassing. </p><p>“I think I forgot my water bottle,” he manages to get out, his voice hoarse, but hopefully his teammates will chalk that up to all the yelling he did when he told Iwa-chan about his run-in with UshiWaka. That stupid, proud bastard. Just thinking about him is enough to make Tooru grind his teeth.</p><p>Damnit. Tooru has dreamt of the day UshiWaka would have to congratulate him for his victory for years. And now?</p><p>He can’t even tell if he’d rather see UshiWaka or Tobio-chan win tomorrow. They should just both lose. Yeah, that sounds good. </p><p>“What does it look like? I could go get it for you, Oikawa-senpai!” Hirata, one of their first-years who didn’t play, pulls him from his thoughts. As if Tooru deserved someone cleaning up after him now.</p><p>“It’s fine, I’ll go get it,” he insists, claps Hirata on the shoulder and walks away before anyone can notice the tears swelling up in his eyes.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He wipes them away angrily as he makes his way to the gym.</p><p>All the players have already left, the spectators in the stand are clearing out, too, and the nets are being taken down.</p><p>Tooru checks where their bench was and then asks a staff member but no bottle matching his description has been found.</p><p>He has to hold back a swear. If he loses another water bottle, his mother is going to make him buy the next one himself and Tooru really has more important things he needs to save his money for.</p><p>He decides to check the changing rooms and almost regrets that decision when the way there leads him past a bunch of Karasuno players.</p><p>They’re loud and lively and the picture of everything Tooru thought Seijoh would be right now.</p><p>He marches past them, head held high, not making eye contact. He’s not ready for pitying smiles, especially not theirs.</p><p>He makes his way to the changing rooms only to find that the tags indicating which room belonged to which team have already been removed.</p><p>Even after raking his memory he’s not quite sure which one had been theirs. Why would he? When they got here in the morning, he had been too excited to care and when they slinked back after their loss, he was too busy holding back his tears and comforting his crying kouhai.</p><p>In the end, he at least manages to find the right hallway, even though he can’t remember which changing room had been theirs. So, he ends up opening a couple of doors. </p><p>He knocks at the first few but the rooms are all empty by now, so he doesn’t bother anymore after the third.</p><p>He really should have.</p><p>When he opens the next door, the first thing he notices is that the lights are still on.</p><p>The room is empty, except for two sports bags on the benches. </p><p>It’s definitely not Seijoh’s changing room. </p><p>Tooru is just about to leave when he hears a voice coming from the area that you can’t see from the door.</p><p>“But all teasing aside, Tobio, you did so, so well today. I’m proud of you.”</p><p>There is little doubt which Tobio they’re talking about. Which means that Tooru should get the hell out of here before he gets caught lurking in the door.</p><p>For some reason, he doesn’t. Maybe it’s because he is curious who would talk to Tobio-chan with such open warmth and fondness, whom Tobio-chan would allow to talk to him like that.</p><p>“You… you did, too, Sugawara-san!”, it sounds awkward, like he isn’t quite sure if it’s the right thing to say but nonetheless, Tobio-chan’s voice is full of fervor.</p><p>Tooru is so perplexed that he forgets about leaving.</p><p>“Heck yeah, I did! I feel like we could take on the world today!”, the other voice exclaims, just as they walk into the main area of the changing room.</p><p>Neither of them has noticed Tooru yet.</p><p>They’re holding hands. Tobio-chan is holding hands with the other Karasuno setter and he has a soft smile and a blush on his face. Mr. Refreshing is grinning up at Tobio-chan so brightly, it’s blinding.</p><p>And then they see him.</p><p>It’s… awkward, to say the least.</p><p>Tobio-chan goes so wide-eyed and flustered, you’d think Tooru had caught them getting it on rather than just holding hands. He looks like he’s trying to say something but he doesn’t get any words out.</p><p>Mr. Refreshing frowns at Tooru, not unkindly, but confused.</p><p>Tooru wants to say something, apologize maybe, or make fun of Tobio-chan for his blush, but the words get stuck in his throat. Fuck, this is awkward.</p><p>Finally, it’s Mr. Refreshing who breaks the silence. “Oikawa-san, can we help you?” His voice is gentle but there is an edge to it.</p><p>Tooru should say “no” and maybe even “sorry”. Or better yet, he should explain the situation.</p><p>But he can’t.</p><p>Not after hearing that.</p><p>Not when he can feel his right knee burning. It’s not just the injury. It’s the burning sensation indicating that the last words Tooru’s soulmate will ever say to him are slowly fading from his skin.</p><p>So, he does what he should have done earlier: he turns around and leaves.</p><p>He pulls the door to the changing room shut behind him with too much force, and then, he runs.</p><p>He runs through empty corridors that all look the same and he keeps going until he’s sure they won’t find him.</p><p>When he finally stops, he doesn’t know where he is.</p><p>It doesn’t matter.</p><p>The pain in his knee is almost unbearable.</p><p>It doesn’t matter.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He’s Tooru’s soulmate. The silver-haired setter from Karasuno. Mr. Refreshing.</p><p>And Tooru will never talk to him again.</p><p>He knows, because that’s how soulmarks work.</p><p>The last words your soulmates will ever say to you are tattooed on your body in their handwriting and as soon as they say them, the tattoo vanishes, leaving nothing but a burning sensation.</p><p>Tooru has three of them. </p><p>There is the “I’m not feeding you bananas, Tooru” on his left biceps. It matches Iwa-chan’s handwriting. And he has the corresponding “Hajime, rude!” on the back of his right hand. </p><p>It’s the reason why Iwa-chan insists that they don’t call each other by their first names. </p><p>Within a week of noticing that his handwriting was starting to look more and more like the one of Tooru’s soulmark, he took to calling Tooru by his last name. At first, Tooru had protested until it finally burst out of Iwa-chan that he only did so because that way, he wouldn’t say the words on Tooru’s mark any time soon. After that, Tooru even learnt to treasure the ‘Trashykawa’s because, in a way, they were all Iwa-chan’s very own way of saying “I don’t want to lose you”.</p><p>Tooru has made it a habit to touch the mark before every serve in a game. It’s a reminder that Iwa-chan is there with him, and when he touches it, the trust he has in Iwa-chan, the trust Iwa-chan has in him and their desire to push further together flow through him.</p><p>Then there is the “Goodnight, Uncle Tooru” on his shoulder blade. It’s written in an adult’s handwriting, most likely a woman’s, so it’s not sure if it really is Takeru’s, but Tooru believes so. He does because, when he touches this mark, he can feel the same fondness and parental pride he always feels when he spends time with his nephew.</p><p>Or actually, it would be more accurate to say that Tooru now has those two soulmarks. </p><p>If he checked the skin over his knee, he’d find it blank, without any sign that it once held a soulmark. “Oikawa-san, can we help you?” it had read in scribbly handwriting. And when Tooru touched it, it would feel like butterflies in his stomach, like mischief and teasing smiles, and like soft kisses in the rain. </p><p>But now that is gone and Tooru will never experience it. </p><p>It’s weird, in a way, because there is nothing stopping him from going back to the changing room, find Mr. Refreshing and talk to him. There is nothing stopping him from going to the game tomorrow and talk to him there.</p><p>But Tooru won’t. He knows he won’t because that’s how the soulmarks work.</p><p>And he knows he won’t because he can still hear the fondness in Mr. Refreshing’s voice as he teased Tobio-chan. Tobio-chan of all people. It’s not enough that he destroys Tooru’s dream of going to Nationals, no, now he has to steal his soulmate, too.</p><p>Anger flashes through him, hot and cold at the same time, and it burns away the pain in his knee, it burns away the look on Mr. Refreshing’s face and it burns away the tears and the disappointment until there is nothing left but hate.</p><p>That’s how Iwa-chan finds him. Minutes later. Or maybe hours. Or days. It doesn’t matter.</p><p>Tooru doesn’t tell him. Not when Iwa-chan’s eyes are still red from crying. No, because Tooru doesn’t want the tears. He wants the anger and the hatred and the hot-cold burning that leaves no room for anything else.</p><p>-</p><p>It takes him hours to bring up the courage to check his knee when he gets home. When he finally does, he finds it red and swollen and the skin blank. When he touches it, there are no butterflies, no smiles, no mischief and no kisses in the rain. When he touches it, all that is left is pain.</p><p>It is strong. Stronger even than the hate. And so, he cries.</p><p>-</p><p>Tooru doesn’t tell Iwa-chan. Not when he finally stops crying and not even in the middle of the night, when he can’t fall asleep and he feels smaller and more alone than ever before in his life. He can’t. Not yet.</p><p>-</p><p>Tooru ends up going to the game. <em>I’ll get to see the loser’s face</em>, he tells himself. That doesn’t stop him from looking at Mr. Refreshing for the entirety of the warm-ups. He knows he could find out his name from the program, but he doesn’t. It’s better if he just stays Mr. Refreshing. </p><p>When the game starts and Karasuno keeps messing up, Tooru feels a pang of sympathy because his team has been there. He pushes through it and tells himself that they deserve it. It doesn’t stop him from smiling when Mr. Refreshing yells at them.</p><p>Iwa-chan shows up halfway through the third set. Tooru tells him the same half-truth he tried to convince himself of, about seeing Tobio-chan or UshiWaka lose. Iwa-chan doesn’t believe him, Tooru knows. But he doesn’t say anything and so they just watch together as Shiratorizawa dominates the third set, as Karasuno fights tooth and nail for the fourth, and as Mr. Refreshing steps on the court at the beginning of the fifth.</p><p>“Not Kageyama?” Iwa-chan asks surprised.</p><p>“Tobio-chan must be tired,” Tooru says tonelessly, his eyes fixed on Mr. Refreshing.</p><p>“Yeah… but No 2 against Shiratorizawa…?” there’s doubt in Iwa-chan’s voice.</p><p>Tooru agrees with it. Without Tobio-chan, Shiratorizawa will crush Karasuno.</p><p>But then, they don’t. </p><p>Mr. Refreshing really is something else. And then, when he runs up for the spike again without hesitation, after having been blocked by the Guess Monster before, Tooru <em>understands</em>. He understands why the universe thought that Mr. Refreshing would be the one for him.</p><p>And then, when he sees the way Tobio-chan smiles at him when he switches back in, he understands why he can’t have him in spite of that.</p><p>Tooru leaves as soon as the final whistle sounds. He doesn’t look back.</p><p>-</p><p>Tooru watches recordings of his games sometimes. Tobio-chan’s. He watches them because Tobio-chan is a marvel on the court. Because of how strong his kouhai has grown. Because – even after all these years – he likes to see him lose. (Because, sometimes, the camera will catch a flash of silver on the stands.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm... sorry?</p><p>As always, English is not my first language, so you're very welcome to point out any mistakes! </p><p>This was originally supposed to have a happy ending featuring IwaOi's friendship through the years and how Oikawa is almost like a third parent to Iwaizumi's daughter but, alas, I was in the mood for angst, so this is all you get ✨😇💙</p></blockquote></div></div>
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